Of Idiotic Things In An Idiotic World
by Arii-hime
Summary: Two stupid in-loves, two other confused ones, seven other randomly placed people, a hideous ghost, a misunderstood superstar and one lazy authoress combine to make possibly the worst fic you'll ever read. SERIOUSLY BAD CRACK. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.


Idea belongs **Heartbroken Confession** and her _So Not Your Typical Story_ fic. Credit and kudos to her only!

Don't expect much. I just felt like posting this. Because I'm a retard. Lols. And I'll apologize in advance if this offends you because your story contains any of the following, because I really didn't mean it like that! I just haven't written any crack in awhile, and I found this buried with a ton of other old stories I never posted, so I revised, edited and tuned it up a bit to make it better. :3

Candy is not associated with the crack that inspired and influenced the writing of this piece of shit. *hides box of Rainbow Nerds*

**Disclaimer:** Disclaimed to infinity ;)

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**_Of Idiotic Things In An Idiotic World_**

This story's gonna start very randomly, with Hotaru dumping a bucket of noodles on Mikan's head for reasons that will be explained, because the authoress doesn't feel like writing a whole long plot before it. After all, there's no point, because this story doesn't make sense. She's a lazy moron, which you should have gathered already because then you wouldn't be reading this because it never would have been written. Anyways, it takes place in the classroom of Alice Academy, because it HAS to in order for the story to make sense. Der.

"Hotaru, why'd you do that?" Mikan picked strands of noodles out of her eyes.

"Because," Hotaru said in a cold voice, dropping the bucket. "You need to get dirty so you can take a shower."

"But WHY?"

"So Natsume can get into the shower with you and you both will have sex and get together." Hotaru sat down and opened her laptop. "You and Natsume are the author's OTP so you have to be together, otherwise this story will have no point and it'll suck because she won't want to write you guys with anyone else."

"But I don't like him. Except now I think I do, but it'll increase later or something. I'll go now!" Mikan said cheerfully and exited the classroom.

Ruka walked into the classroom. "Oh, hey, Imai," he said cooly, sitting down next to her and wrapping his arm around her.

"Nogi. What the freak."

"I have to," he said apologetically. "We have to be together just so it can drive the story further along with the fact that soon Mikan and Natsume are gonna get together and something random will happen."

"Ah." Hotaru nodded understandingly. Is that even possible? Well, in this story it is. "Still. Get your slimy paws off of me."

Just then Natsume walked past them. Had he even been here at all? Maybe he was hiding in the closet or something. "Hey," he said as he walked past them cooly. "I'd stay but I have to go now because it's time to go do it with Mikan in the shower to make her understand that I like her. It's so we can finally get together and we can move on to something better. I'll probably get her pregnant since there's no possible way we could be using condoms or birth control, and she'll probably get mad but eventually she'll agree with it and we'll name the kids after parts of each other's names. See you." He walked out of the classroom.

"...I really hope he doesn't get her pregnant," Ruka said with a shiver.

"He's a pervert, remember?" Hotaru said, tapping her temple and rolling her eyes. "He probably will."

A couple seconds later there was banging and someone shrieking, "PERVERT!" and "GET OUT SICKO!" that eventually died down. Hotaru and Ruka looked at each other.

"Wait a minute." Ruka shook his head "They're only ten. They can't have sex." He looked at Hotaru.

"Yes they can, because the authoress is a pervert." Hotaru tapped away on the laptop. "And anyways, we don't even know how old we are in this story. We could be ten or twelve or even seventeen."

Just then Mochu walked up. "Sorry, guys," he said. "We have to make things interesting in here so the authoress is making Luna's cousin Ryo come and step between you two, trying to steal Hotaru from you, Ruka. In the meantime Luna's gonna go trip on something and fall out a window, hitting a rock and getting a concussion, and she will be permanently out of this story. The authoress is just gonna do short skits where Luna appears in the hospital. She's even considering having some mysterious person walk up and unplug her Life Support machine and kill her, and we'll never find out who."

"Since when did Luna even have a cousin?" Ruka asked.

"She doesn't. He's a MUC."

"MUC? What the hell?"

"It means 'Made Up Character'." Mochu rolled his eyes. "Der."

"I thought the term was OC," Hotaru said.

"Since the authoress owns the story she can use whatever terms she wants to. Or do whatever she wants."

"Yes, but about the Life Support machine thing..." Ruka sweatdropped.

"Oh, she just feels like adding some humor."

"But...WHY?" **(A/N:** _This is probably the most often used sentence in this story._**)**

"She hates Luna. Now I have to go try and woo Anna. BYE!" He ran away to the pink-haired girl in the corner of the room.

"Who is this psycho?" Ruka asked Hotaru. "Do we really look terrible together?"

"No," Hotaru responded. "We're her second OTP so we can't possibly. Like Mochu said, she probably just wants to make things interesting."

"Well, should I just start ignoring you then?" Ruka asked.

"I guess so."

"Okay. See ya." Ruka got up and stormed off to a desk at the far side of the room as Mikan and Natsume walked into the room again, arm in arm.

"Hiya," Mikan said cheerfully.

"The heck? Thought you were in the shower?" Ruka asked, approaching again despite what was SUPPOSED to be happening, which obviously wasn't happening anymore.

"Well, we were." Mikan frowned. "But we had to stop because the plot is getting changed because Luna's in the infirmary right now with a concussion." She smiled. "I was supposed to I forget who I am, but then she changed it so now I'm supposed to be drunk and say that I love Ruka when I don't and then Natsume gets angry and thinks that I don't like him." She shrugged. "Then I get beat up by jealous fangirls who think I'm cheating on Natsume and almost die but Permy rescues me."

"...Wait wait wait. Shouldn't a BOY rescue you?"

"Yeah," Natsume said. "That's what I TOLD the authoress, but she wouldn't listen. She claims that Shouda is a total fangirl hater 'cause they almost killed her when she was dating Koko, so now she lives to slaughter any fangirl that hurts another innocent."

"WAS dating Koko?"

"She broke up with him when she was tired of getting stalked. And now they're just friends, except now they're getting back together because she likes them together and they're her fourth OTP. Speaking of pairings, this is the time when I'm supposed to go wait for Mikan to come to her room at night so we can start where we left off in the shower. Bye." He turned and left into the darkness, because it was night and nobody noticed.

"...And that's my cue," Mikan said and also left. Hotaru and Ruka blinked.

"This story makes absolutely no sense."

"I know. Hey, aren't I supposed to hate you?"

"I honestly have no idea."

* * *

_Beep...beep...beep..._

"Huh. Might as well unplug this now."

_Beep...beep...beep..._

_Click._

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeep...

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_

Reo Mouri was singing at his world famous concert. All of his fangirls were shrieking, _"REO REO MOURI! WE LOVE YOU REOOOO!"_ Reo never felt more loved or happy, not even when he kidnapped the three brats a million years ago and was supposed to get big money for them but instead planned to keep them and rape them, THEN sell them, since even though he was famous he was so pitiful he couldn't get a single hot chick to go out with him. But of _course_ they had to foil his plans by the curly green-haired one getting away, then the other pigtailed moron coming back and throwing sand in his eyes and taking the Black Cat with her, and then blowing up his warehouse and managing to survive. Honestly, what was WRONG with kids these days?

But back to his concert. He was singing and all of his fans were screaming and he was so, so, _so_ incredibly _happy_...

Until he heard a voice, a horrible, terrible voice come from the other side of the stage.

_"Reooooo..."_ it sang tunelessly. _"Reoooooo..."_

He stopped singing and turned his head to see a hazy apparition with strawberry blond hair and looking super, mega hideous.

_"REOOOOO...YOU KILLED ME...NOW YOU WILL PAYYYY..."_ Yep, it was Luna all right. Why oh why did he have to be dumb enough to unplug that stupid machine? All he wanted was a bag of chips and a soda.

"NOOOOO!" Reo screamed and jumped into the crowd, planning to do a crowd surf and get the hell out of there, but the entire crowd had seen Luna's ghost and died because she was so ugly. So Reo hit the ground, broke his neck and died along with them, and Luna screamed like a banshee because SHE wanted to get revenge on him, not have him kill himself like a dumbass. Then she left and wandered around Tokyo and whatever, eternally sad, but no one really cares about that.

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So Mikan and Natsume never stopped doing lemon stuffs, Hotaru and Ruka never figured out if they're supposed to be together in this fic or not, Sumire and Koko got back together even though they never appeared in this, Anna fucked Mochu up because he interrupted her baking and messed up her cake, Nonoko made a potion and blew up her room, Yuu cried, Persona stalked Narumi, Principal Kuonji decided that he hated himself, Luna is still wandering around and could be in your bedroom right this moment, Reo didn't get to go to heaven, and Tsubasa and Misaki...well, who knows what they're doing.

Probably punching each other again.

And they all lived happily the hell after.

**_THE FUCKING END._**

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_Ahem._

_KILL ME NOW PLEASE._

_This is the most messed up thing I've ever written in my life. My brain is crying from so much stupidity. And that's a statement, because when it comes to stupidity with stories I am supremely superior. XD Anyways, like I said this wasn't meant to offend and was solely for the purpose of making people fall out of their chairs laughing or choke on whatever they're eating/drinking. So if you want to unleash a flamethrower on me, do so, but you can't say I didn't warn you XD_

_Review, please? :) I'm even accepting flames for this...because this is just SAD... XD_

_Thanks for reading..._

_~Ariisha-chan_


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